Tales of the Bif Vol. 2: My Experience at the "Old Lady"

It has been exactly 4 weeks to this day that I had the opportunity to play the one course that every golfer hopes to play at least once in their lifetime. Yes, I am talking about the Old Course at St. Andrew's. Affectionately nicknamed the "Old Lady", this course was everything I expected and more. The story all begin when we flew into Edinburgh on a late Sunday afternoon. On our drive to the historic town of St. Andrew's, it was almost hard to imagine that I might be playing on the game's most sacred and hallowed ground the next day. Once we checked into the hotel and got settled into our room, we headed into town for a few hours to check-out the town, have an early dinner, and of course check out the Old Course. The Old Course is closed for public play on Sundays, so the whole course becomes common ground for locals and visitors alike. I walked the famous 1st hole (The Burn), 2nd hole, then went over to the famous 17th (Road hole) and finished with the famous 18th (Tom Morris) all the while trying to soak it all in. After that my wife, Kim and I, walked along the beach for awhile and then went to a small local spot in town for some of the local cuisine. Just to let you know, we did have the Haggis and it was not that bad. We also had a soup called Cullen (my wife's maiden name) Skink, which is a lighter milk-based soup made with smoked haddock, leeks, and potatoes. After a great meal, it was back to the hotel to try to get a good nights sleep (which didn't happen, I was way too excited to sleep!!!) and then hopefully being able to play the "Old Lady" the next day. I was up at 6am, although I don't think I got more than 2-3 hours of sleep that night, and off to town at 7am. Once there, I went to the starter and checked in as a single golfer, but realized I had left all my handicap information at the hotel. My wife like the trooper that she is, came down to the course and dropped it off for me. So here I was on a cold and rainy Monday morning, all registered and just waiting to be paired up with another group and then the realization finally hit me that I am going to be able to play the same course where so many great players (Bobby, Jack, Arnold, and Tiger) had also played and won at the Home of Golf. It was 8:15am, another golfer and myself where next on the list. We were paired up with a 2 other golfers that had an 8:30am tee-time. One of them was a local resident, Angus, and a member of the club, the other a client of his from Paris, France. I went to introduce myself to them both and then it was off to the 1st tee. I was the last to hit and all I can remember was being so excited and scared at the same time, but I knew I was not going to fall prey to the first-tee jitters. I hit a nice long drive that, at first, looked like it might have gone too far to the right on that hole (there is trouble on the right), but it turned out to be just fine. I blasted a sand wedge (the only time I would use it, with the exception of a small pot bunker on the 15th) onto the green and even though I had 3 putted, I gladly took a bogey and went on my quest. This course was so unbelievable, as was the company. If there was one con. I guess you could say it was the weather. It went from a light-medium rain to a heavy rain, wind, and hail mix. It is funny because even with all the lousy weather, it really did not bother me at all. I was so pumped-up about having the opportunity to play here, that the weather took second-stage. I started talking with Angus after we had finished the 2nd hole. He was a local resident that had lived in town all his life, attended the University, and married his college sweetheart. He would also caddie at the Old Course part-time during his college years and throughout his twenties. Now a semi-retired businessman in town (he owns his own golf tour company), he spends almost all his time playing the Old Course with his clients. I looked at him and said "I envy you, you have the best job in the world!!!" With a grimace, he said "Thank you laddie (he called me that the whole round), I really do!!!". I could tell the was a strong bond between us and the whole time we talked alot about life, the town of St. Andrews, and of course golf. He said to me on the 4th hole, "Laddie, you are the spliting image of a really close friend of mine that I have known since our days here at the university". He went on to tell me that his name was Bif and that he was not only a great student and friend, but he was the best golfer and caddie that St. Andrews has seen since the days of Bobby Jones and Old Tom Morris. I said to him "that's funny because I play golf in New Jersey with a guy named Bif." He almost looked like he had seen a ghost, and asked me "Do you know what his last name is laddie?" I said that I do not know his last name, but I do know he went to college here at St. Andrews and he was almost a professional golfer in his earlier days. We just looked at each other and knew that we shared a common bond. We were both friends with the Bif. After that all we did the whole round was talk about our friend, Bif. He shared stories of the Bif in his younger days, and I shared stories with him of the Bif as he is today. I asked him later in the conversation, when was the last time he had seen the Bif, and he got filled up with sorrow. He said, "Laddie, I have not seen Bif in well over twenty years." He left here with a promising career in business, a beautiful wife (he married Angus' cousin, Natalie) and possibly a chance to play golf professionally in the PGA." I asked what happened and he said let's save that for the 19th hole. I said no problem, and we went on with our round. We really did not talk that much the rest of the time on the course, except when we were on the 18th hole and I was passing over the Swilcan Bridge. After the pictures were taken, I just stood there for a moment (at least for what I thought was a moment) and then I hear Angus say, "Laddie, is everything ok??? You have been there for a few minutes." I said, " I'm sorry, I was caught in the moment." He just looked at me with with a gleam in his eye and a light chuckle and said, "That's alright Laddie, I have had a few moments like that and Bif has also. I'll see you up on the green." I meet up with him at the Valley of Sin, and after a bump and run onto the green for both our 3rd shots, Angus was 10 feet from the cup and I was about 20. I missed my lag putt by about 2 feet, marked my ball, and then Angus sunk his in for a par and I finished with a bogey. We shook hands, and he said, "Great round laddie, you done her proud." I said, "Thank you, so did you. Now let's go get a drink." We went up the stairs to the Royal & Ancient Clubhouse, and we were greeted by the attendant and he stored our bags. We were seated at Angus' regular table, and I asked Angus what he wanted to drink. Before I could place an order, someone was already coming to the table with two rock glasses and a bottle of Scotch. It was a bottle of Old Course Malt, a single malt whisky about 12 years-old made exclusively for St. Andrews by a local distillery (they keep the distillery a secret, but I think it is Glenkinchie from their neighboring town, Edinburgh). As he was pouring us both a generous glass of the whisky, he said, "I hope you like whisky, Laddie, because we are not leaving until this bottle is empty." I said that I love whisky and then we both toasted to a great round and to the beginning of a great friendship. So he then went into continuing our conversation from the golf course."Laddie, I am sorry about what happened earlier. You see both our wives' were on their way to the States to watch Bif play in his first tournament. It was the 1982 U.S. Open at Pebble Beach. Natalie was here visiting her folks and she flew back to California with my wife to attend the tournament. I had (3) big-wig corporate clients that I had to entertain, so I was supposed to fly out the following day and meet up with everyone for the second round." I could see it in his eyes, the news was not good. He said, "I received a call from Bif about 6-7 hours later after he had just finished his first round at Pebble Beach. I knew something was wrong as soon as I heard his voice. He started crying, and before I could ask him what was wrong, he told me that the plane that our wives' were on, went down over the Atlantic. After that day, we were both lost in our own worlds. Bif left professional golf with a vengeance and fell into the throws of alcoholism trying to cope with his loss. I became obsessed with my career and golf. The last time I spoke to him he was trying to clean-up and get back on the tour. I guess you could say that we both handled our demons in two totally different ways, him with the bottle and me with the golf club." He then told me that he was supposed to drink this bottle with Bif after the tournament to celebrate the start of his professional golf career and look back on the old days. After that we really just finished the bottle together, both in a sort of unwritten silence that is usually only shared by long-time friends. I looked at him and said "Wow, it is getting late. I am supposed to meet my wife in a half-hour for lunch. Would you like to join us? He replied,"Thanks laddie, but I really have alot of work to catch up on. I really enjoyed meeting you." I replied the same and thanked him for the whisky and such a memorable day. We shook hands and went on our own ways like two long lost friends in different stages of their lives. As I was sitting on the bench waiting for my wife to arrive and soaking in at all the beauty and sorrow of the day, I heard a voice call out my name. "Keith, Angus said, and then reached into his golf bag and pulled out a photo. "Can you give this to Bif the next time you see him?" I looked at the picture and said sure and he was gone before I knew it. It was an old picture of both him and Bif on the 18th hole just after their graduation from St. Andrews University. They were young and had their whole life ahead of them. It was such a great picture. It made me feel both happy and sad at the same time. As I was about to put it in my pocket, I noticed there was writing on the back of the picture. It said, "Bif, I just had the privilege to play a round on the Old Course with our mutual friend, Keith. Come back and see me, so we can play the "Old Lady" again and bring Keith with you. He is a great guy. I see alot of you in the young laddie. Take it easy. Your Pal, Angus." As I finished reading it, my wife Kim just got there and asked if everything was alright. I said, "Sure, I am just having a moment." She said that she understood and hugged me tight and did not let go. We went to lunch and spent the rest of the day together. As I was walking in town with Kim, I realized that this was one of those days that really only happens once in a lifetime. - Keith

Wine & Golf: The Tales of Our Friend, Bif Vol. 1

It is December 29, 2007 and while most people have put their "sticks" away for the season, I can not wait to play next. I have not been able to play since Nov. 12, when I had one of those truly remarkable golf shots that do not happen enough. I was playing Colts Neck on a cold and cloudy Monday with my golf buddy, Kitty. It was a great day to be out there for two great reasons. The first was the 90 yard chip shot that sunk right in the cup and the second was running into our old-time friend, Bif. We always see him every couple of months and he is definitely a character. He is rebellious, non-conforming, and a great American. I forgot to mention that he can party also, I handed him my flask of Jameson at the beginning of the round and he damn near drank half of it (I carry an 8 ounce flask, by the way). He has a sense of humor as dry as a martini and his wits are sharp as a razor. We love to play golf with this guy because he loves the game as much as we do, if not more. So while walking the course with him and Kitty and enjoying some really good cigars and some more whiskey, he told us a story that happened to him a few months ago at a golf outing. Apparently, one of the golfers in his group was more interested in conducting business on his cell phone then playing golf. Even after numerous stops from the course ranger, he still did not get the hint and went on a long call at the turn (between the 9th and 10th hole, for those non-golfers reading this blog). So Bif and his golf partners went on with their game. He finally caught up with them near the green and was obviously very upset with them, and Bif said to him"look if you do not know the rules and have no respect for the game, then don't bother to play the game". I agree with the Bif, but the guy obviously did not because he just withdrew himself from the group just like that bastard Rory Sabbatini did just a few weeks ago at Tiger's tournament. So Bif wanted me to post his Top Ten Pet Peeves on Golf and I agree totally with them. They are as follows:

1. Play at a steady rate and always be courteous of other golfers. (That means no talking on cell phones, unless it is to call the pro shop about someone talking on one.)
2. Do not spit in the putting cup. (Sergio, you really need to grow up and be a man. You should have been kicked off the PGA Tour for that little antic.)
3. Do not throw your clubs in the woods or at other people. (Yes, it does happen and these people should never be allowed to swing a golf club to begin with. Get a life!!!)
4. Rake the sand trap after you have played out of it. (Thats Golf 101!!!)
5. Repair your divots in the fairways. (That's also Golf 101!!!)
6. Repair your ball marks on the putting green. (Again, Golf 101!!!)
7. Do not talk or make any loud noises while someone is playing his shot. (Common sense, right?)
8. Do not talk trash about other players and finish your round. (Rory, you are an idiot, and that's my censored opinion of you. How you deserve to receive $170,000 in a tournament that you do not have the decency to finish really baffles me. P.S. - Stop talking trash about Tiger!!!)
9. Do not litter. Always leave the course the same or better then you found it. (Enough said!!!)
10. Ok, the last and most important point. If you have no respect for yourself, others, the course, or the game itself; please never pick up a golf club. You will be doing yourself and every golfer out there a favor. (Everyone should listen to Bif, he is the man!!!)

Happy holidays to everyone and maybe I'll see you on the 19th hole. Bif, hopefully we will tee it up again in a few months. See you all in 2008. - Keith (a.k.a. The Barefoot Sommelier)

Summer of Love 2007

We went to the Whitney museum in NYC a few weeks ago to catch the Summer of Love exhibit. I went with Kim (my wife) and Kitty (my golf buddy). Dressed in our Dashikis (Hippie Shirts) and sporting tie-dyed shirts, bandanas, and even socks, we set out on a beautiful Sunday afternoon to go back in time. Our friend Kitty, who just turned 60, was in a state of bliss as was Kim and myself. Even though I was only 1 year-old in the Summer of 67', my mom was a hippie and I could be certain that if she was married to someone different (my dad was the furthest thing from a hippie) she would have brought me to Woodstock for those 3 days of peace, love, and our course great music. This is where the story takes hold. While having to take off our shoes to go into one exhibit (it was easy for me, I was in my Birks), I noticed a familiar face from the past. He was an old hippie wearing the coolest Hawaiian shirt on this planet, and it turned out to be Wavy Gravy a.k.a. Hugh Romney. This guy was the king of Woodstock and a great humanitarian that was a pivotal fixture in the 60's peace movement. Looking at all the art and photographs from that era, made me realize that what we are currently going through in the world today is really not that much different than what our parents went through in th 60's. Maybe the people in charge will do the right thing and send our troops home and end this war, so we will not have anymore dead or injured soldiers. Join us in raising a glass of wine (Bohemian Highway Cabernet Sauvignon, maybe) and let us all "Give peace a chance."